And… what does it mean when he says ‘I’m not ready for anything serious right now’?
Right girls, I expect you’ve heard this one before! I know I have and it can leave you confused, angry, upset and just not knowing what men want in a woman...
Now there can be a number of things going on for a man when he comes out with this line.
The first one often can be staring you in the face and he really does just mean exactly that; he’s not ready for a serious relationship right now. I know it sounds obvious but guys can be far simpler to work out than us women at times and will say what they’re thinking without any frills on. He may have come out of a long term relationship or he may still be focussed on his children or work and not able to devote the time and energy he knows you deserve.
If you don’t feel this is the case, have you been dating him and lately felt the need
to have the talk? What I see happen far too often is that when you feel the need to talk to a guy about where the relationship is going he’ll feel you seeking to be more intimate and when he feels this he’ll seek more freedom.
Most men seek freedom and most women seek more intimacy… it’s where a lot of the problems lie, especially in the first few months of a relationship.
Finally, when couples have been going out for a while they start to see each others flaws, you know the little things that just didn’t seem to be there in the beginning. Maybe he’s stopped taking you out so often or you’re not making such an effort to look special. The ‘comfort’ element has started to creep in and although this is a natural progression it also lessens the spark between you, particularly for the man. As women we’re seeking comfort and security but for a man this can be a turn off and lead him to question the relationship.
The outcome the way forward is to understand each other. A woman needs to understand that a man will need his freedom, his time alone or with his mates. She needs to understand that he will be distant at times and to not take it as a personal rejection of her. Strength IS detachment to a man. He needs to be strong and he can’t be strong and vulnerable at the same time.
And men need to learn that when you want to talk to him, your complaints aren’t about him. I know it can be frustrating as they just can’t seem to get that.
So next time something challenges you try just touching him with your soft hand and bringing him into your world. Tell him that you don’t need him to fix things, just listen and take you in his arms. Make sure you initiate the connection between you that will help you solve the problem together.
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